The Double Standard

Welcome to the July 2010 Carnival of Nursing in Public

This post was written for inclusion in the Carnival of Nursing in Public hosted by Dionna and Paige at NursingFreedom.org. All week, July 5-9, we will be featuring articles and posts about nursing in public ("NIP"). See the bottom of this post for more information.

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With regards to breastfeeding in public, there seems to be a double standard.

Definition of Double Standard: A set of principles permitting greater opportunity or liberty to one than to another

Regarding a nursing mother, people are quick to say things such as:

"She should do that somewhere else."

"She should cover up if she's going to do THAT."

"I shouldn't have to see that!"

"She should be more considerate of the people around her who don't want to see that."

That, that, that... what exactly is meant by "that?" The act of breastfeeding itself, or the potential skin exposure?

I figure it must be the act itself which many people find objectionable, because many of these same people, when walking past a lingerie store in the mall or a group of young women in low-cut, strappy shirts, often fail to make the same comments. At least, they don't typically approach them and say, "Your low-cut shirt is making me uncomfortable." They don't express their discomfort with the waiter at the restaurant by asking, "Ugg, that girl is showing too much cleavage - could you ask her to put on a sweater or leave?" And they certainly don't complain to the authorities, asking for the police to come and stop the cleavage-baring.

But all this happens to breastfeeding mothers in public. They are told by strangers that what they are doing is inappropriate. They are approached by waiters who have had complaints from other diners. They are harassed by the police for feeding their babies. That last one happens so often, it is astounding to me. When is the last time you heard of a woman being asked by the police to leave a mall because she was wearing a low-cut top or an incredibly short dress?

The message being sent is: You may show cleavage for no reason at all, just because you want to dress that way, but it is not okay to possibly show a bit of skin while using your breasts for an actual, real purpose.

And the kicker is this: breastfeeding mothers typically show far less skin than many women wearing low-cut tops, strappy dresses, bare midriff outfits, and short skirts.

Here's about how much skin you will see on a breastfeeding mother who is dressed in an average short-sleeved shirt:

That is me nursing my toddler at a Tonic concert recently. No cleavage. Small amount of skin if you look really, really hard (and if you are looking really hard, then you must just be looking to start an argument!).

Same event in this next picture, non-nursing women this time (click to see a closer view):
I will first clarify that I am NOT picking on these random women in the above photo. It was a hot day out. I am not showing photos of their cleavage - that would not be nice of me. ;) But if you look at the clothing on several of the women here - pictured from the back - you can see that these shirts and dresses would be the type that might show a lot of skin from the front as well. More skin, at least, than a nursing mom would be showing. I show this to illustrate the point that of all the skin and cleavage seen in public, most of it does not belong to nursing moms!

So, is it the skin? Or is it what is being done with the skin?

Why is there this double standard? Why is it okay to display flesh for the sake of fashion, or to be promiscuous, or because you are at the beach or it is a hot day, but not to feed a baby???

***

Welcome to the Carnival of Nursing in Public

Please join us all week, July 5-9, as we celebrate and support breastfeeding mothers. And visit NursingFreedom.org any time to connect with other breastfeeding supporters, learn more about your legal right to nurse in public, and read (and contribute!) articles about breastfeeding and N.I.P.

Do you support breastfeeding in public? Grab this badge for your blog or website to show your support and encourage others to educate themselves about the benefits of breastfeeding and the rights of breastfeeding mothers and children.

<center><a href="http://www.nursingfreedom.org/p/carnival-of-nursing-in-public.html" title="Carnival of Nursing in Public"><img src="http://www.babydustdiaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/inip1.png" alt="Art by Erika Hastings at http://mudspice.wordpress.com/" border="0" /></a></center>

This post is just one of many being featured as part of the Carnival of Nursing in Public. Please visit our other writers each day of the Carnival. Click on the links below to see each day’s posts - new articles will be posted on the following days:
July 5 - Making Breastfeeding the Norm: Creating a Culture of Breastfeeding in a Hyper-Sexualized World
July 6 – Supporting Breastfeeding Mothers: the New, the Experienced, and the Mothers of More Than One Nursing Child
July 7 – Creating a Supportive Network: Your Stories and Celebrations of N.I.P.
July 8 – Breastfeeding: International and Religious Perspectives
July 9 – Your Legal Right to Nurse in Public, and How to Respond to Anyone Who Questions It

Independence Day Cookout

We had my parents and two of my brothers come for a Independence Day cookout on Saturday. We grilled hamburgers and hot dogs and just hung around the house and yard. The baby in the above photo is Julianne, my brother's and his wife Crystal's baby. We enjoyed using our brand new patio!

My poor diet... it wasn't expecting Tim to make Skyline Chili Dip. Going off the diet just for part of the day has set me back two pounds - unbelievable! It was really good... but not that good... I made him take the leftovers back with him!

Here's my brother Mike with Chris... I wanted to include this one because it has the star garland in it that we made last year, not because it has my beer bottle inadvertently in the shot... that may have added to the poundage, huh?

A shot of almost everyone...

Here's Tim with two of his nieces. Dutch makes an appearance at the cookout in lieu of my other brother and his owner, Stephen.

I got some Pop-its for the girls to enjoy. Cecilia couldn't always throw them hard enough to get them to explode, so she was stomping on them. Caroline was bursting them between her fingers (because her uncles showed her how).

Cecilia with Gramma

Caroline waves a flag

The girls also played in the inflatable kiddie pool for a little while.

First pictures of the grandparents with all three of their granddaughters

Here's our dessert: a giant sugar cookie with a cream cheese frosting and decorated with red and blue fruit! In the background you see the growing reason for me to take the glass to the recycling place... still haven't done that. There are now 13 more reasons that I should make that trip. I told Chris that I was waiting until I had 99 bottles... so I can sing the song, you know.

The girls finishing their dinner

Baby Julianne kicking and wiggling a bunch!

Mike and Crystal made a side trip to Alabama (since we only live 15 minutes from the border, tops) and got some fireworks. Chris, Mike, and Tim had fun aiming the Roman candles up at the sky...

Grampa pushed the girls on the swings for a bit

The chickens stayed in their cage...

... and didn't care for Dutch at all. But he was such a good dog and sat so still next to the cage when I told him to sit!

Mike in the kiddie pool...

Sorry that my narrative is not as lively as usual and I just have a bunch of obvious captions here... but really, we didn't do much but hang around! And it was lots of fun, too!

Making Breastfeeding the Norm

Welcome to the July 2010 Carnival of Nursing in Public

This post was written for inclusion in the Carnival of Nursing in Public hosted by Dionna and Paige at NursingFreedom.org. All week, July 5-9, we will be featuring articles and posts about nursing in public ("NIP"). See the bottom of this post for more information.

***

Breastfeeding is so often seen as "exceptional." It is portrayed as a lofty ideal, the ultimate best a mother can do, far above "average." I think that needs to be redefined. Breastfeeding is not exceptional - it is NORMAL. It is the standard way of feeding and nurturing infants. Biology dictates that it is simply the way that babies were designed to be fed. Nothing magic, nothing supernatural, nothing exceptional - just normal.

But what is seen as the normal, standard way to feed babies in our society? The bottle. Walk into any supermarket - at least in the area where I live - and count how many babies and toddlers you see drinking from bottles. Then compare that to the number of babies you saw who were nursing... What's that? You saw no babies nursing on your last trip to Wal-Mart? You have never seen a baby being nursed while doing your weekly grocery shopping? Wait... you say you can count on one hand the number of times you have ever seen a baby being breastfed in any public place?? So, are you not seeing many babies out in public? Oh, you are? Lots of babies and toddlers? You are seeing them eat in public, but you have rarely seen a child nursing in public? How is that???

...... Oh, yes, that's right... it is because the bottle is seen as the standard, normal way to feed babies in our culture. "Everybody does it!" We see bottles everywhere, and when you see a baby eating in a public place, he is drinking from a bottle rather than a breast 99 out of 100 times - maybe even more often than that.

The bottle is everywhere... listed as an "essential" on baby gift registries (even under "breastfeeding supplies," implying that nursing moms all must bottlefeed at times), pictured on baby shower gift bags and wrapping paper, baby scrapbooking supplies, parenting magazines, being used by nearly every baby portrayed on a TV show or in a movie... all bottles. And what does this teach us as we grow up surrounded by bottles and not by nursing breasts? That bottles are normal, and that breastfeeding is not (even if it is seen as better, it is not "normal").

So back to nursing in public... when all a person sees of baby-feeding around them is bottles, then one begins to think that it must be done that way - at least while in public. All the children, all the single people, all the currently-childless couples see is bottlefeeding, subconsciously influencing their future decisions they make as parents one day. So, on the rare occasion that they catch a glimpse of a mother who appears to be - GASP! - breastfeeding her baby in a public place, it is seen as weird, abnormal, wrong...

Why? Why is seeing a mother feed her child in the way she was biologically made to do it so shocking? IT IS BECAUSE IT IS NOT SEEN OFTEN ENOUGH OR AT ALL BY MOST HUMAN BEINGS. It is something practically foreign in many people's minds, seeing a baby nurse at the breast. If we don't see it happening regularly, then it seems abnormal when we do happen to see it. The way to normalize breastfeeding as the standard way of caring for infants is to have it been seen widely in public. The first time, it might be shocking, yes... it is something we typically don't see every day while doing our shopping. But see it again, and then another time, and eventually, it just becomes normal. A mother feeding her baby. A mother responding to the needs of her child. Simple as that.

"But won't somebody please think of the children!!!" This is the rallying cry of many people regarding children seeing breastfeeding in public. So, what if they see a mother nursing her child in public? Good, I say! One tiny step towards normalizing breastfeeding! If that child sees many mothers nursing in public as he grows up, then it won't be a foreign concept to him. It won't be "weird."

"But I don't want to have to explain THAT to my child," some parents say. Well, there are lots of things that I might not want to explain to my child, either, but other people's rights to do as they please in public (as long as they are not doing something illegal, which breastfeeding is not!) do not get rumped by my perceived "right" to not be offended or to not have to explain things to my own child. The simplest answer to give a child who asks is, "That mommy is feeding her baby. Some mommies feed their babies milk from their breasts. That is what breasts were made to do." This gives the child a healthier view of the female body than he will get by observing the more often publicly seen "purpose" of breasts: to accentuate them in tight, low-cut clothing as a sexual tool.

I don't think that other parents should have to explain breastfeeding to their children if they don't want to... I'm not about infringing on the rights of other parents to raise their children as they see fit. This is just a suggestion of a way for parents to address the issue of seeing a baby nursing in public. Remember, a young child most likely doesn't have a mentality of breasts being sexual, so he will not think that the mother is doing something wrong or "dirty," even if he happens to actually see enough to recognize it as a breast. He can use this experience to form a more healthy view of the purpose of breasts.

Most mothers are somewhat discreet when they nurse, meaning they aren't the mythological women who "whip it out" (I hate that expression and have yet to see it in public, actually) and give passers-by the evil eye, daring them to say anything. But being discreet doesn't have to mean hiding the baby under a blanket or running out to the car or a bathroom (ick!) to nurse. If we hide public breastfeeding (or pump and bring bottles for use in public), it will still seem abnormal, like it is wrong to nurse a baby around others. If mothers hide to nurse, then it won't be seen by the public, and therefore it won't become normalized! That being said, if a mother finds it more comfortable for herself if she nurses in a private area, then she should do so if she would otherwise not breastfeed at all. It is a crying shame that mothers feel embarrassed to nurse in public because of cultural perceptions, yet in order to change those perceptions, we must go outside our comfort zone by nursing in front of others! Even the most confident mom can be shaken by a negative encounter with a stranger objecting to her feeding her baby. I must say that personally, I have gotten more comfortable nursing in public the longer I have nursed. I know how to do it discreetly (yet not hidden - you can still figure out what I am doing if you look and think about it), and I know I am doing what is right for my baby. I know that my baby has a right to be fed and comforted, regardless of who else might be in the general vicinity. All babies have this right!

So, if you are a nursing mom, feel confident about nursing your baby in front of others. It is not wrong, and in fact, it could help to change public perception about breastfeeding: that it is NORMAL! If you see another mom nursing in public, give her a little smile of encouragement, knowing that it might be taking her outside of her comfort zone to do this. If you feel uncomfortable when you see a nursing mother in public, just look away and remind yourself that she is only providing for her baby in the way God designed, and one day, maybe more mothers will nurse in public and help you to see it as being normal! It can be hard to change mindsets that have been ingrained all our lives, but I think that more public nursing would be a great step towards the normalization of breastfeeding.

***

Welcome to the Carnival of Nursing in Public

Please join us all week, July 5-9, as we celebrate and support breastfeeding mothers. And visit NursingFreedom.org any time to connect with other breastfeeding supporters, learn more about your legal right to nurse in public, and read (and contribute!) articles about breastfeeding and N.I.P.

Do you support breastfeeding in public? Grab this badge for your blog or website to show your support and encourage others to educate themselves about the benefits of breastfeeding and the rights of breastfeeding mothers and children.

<center><a href="http://www.nursingfreedom.org/p/carnival-of-nursing-in-public.html" title="Carnival of Nursing in Public"><img src="http://www.babydustdiaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/inip1.png" alt="Art by Erika Hastings at http://mudspice.wordpress.com/" border="0" /></a></center>

This post is just one of many being featured as part of the Carnival of Nursing in Public. Please visit our other writers each day of the Carnival. Click on the links below to see each day’s posts - new articles will be posted on the following days:
July 5 - Making Breastfeeding the Norm: Creating a Culture of Breastfeeding in a Hyper-Sexualized World
July 6 – Supporting Breastfeeding Mothers: the New, the Experienced, and the Mothers of More Than One Nursing Child
July 7 – Creating a Supportive Network: Your Stories and Celebrations of N.I.P.
July 8 – Breastfeeding: International and Religious Perspectives
July 9 – Your Legal Right to Nurse in Public, and How to Respond to Anyone Who Questions It

Caroline's Art and Writing

Caroline designed these little scraps of paper one day recently... the top one says, "Eye Doctor's - Do not touch." She was pretending to be an eye doctor, and all these scraps of paper were the eye doctor's charts.

The second scrap has a list of numbers... she had me look at them and tell her which number looked the biggest and which looked the smallest.

The third scrap has marks made with a bunch of colors, and she asked me which colors had the most marks.

The fourth scrap has two words, but one is jumbled up... she had copied the word "template" off a page that had come from the printer and was turned into scrap paper. I was impressed with how she was able to jumble the letters in the word and not leave any out.

The fifth one has a drawing of a mom and child, and Caroline asked me what is wrong with the picture (that the child is too big and the mom is too small).

I don't remember what the last one was, the one with the house... something about counting the people or identifying the smallest one...

And can you guess what this one is? Remember the Roomba kittens? It apparently made an impression on Caroline, because she drew it. I don't know where she got the idea to write the Vs with dashes between them to show the noise of the vacuum, but she must have seen something similar in a book illustration or something.

The Little Pessimist That Couldn't

Today Cecilia was telling me about a book that I suppose Chris read to her. She told me, "The little engine said, "I think I can't, I think I can't." I asked her if it said, "I think I CAN," and she said, "No - CAN'T!"

Daybook for Sunday, June 27

Outside my window... still light out, although it is 8:30 and the girls have been in bed for an hour now. Two nights ago, the mockingbirds were going nuts outside out windows... they make this short, sharp noise, over and over, and it is really annoying. Caroline got up out of bed a few times complaining about them. They were actually sitting on the phone wire right outside her room. When I went out there to try to scare them away, I realized why they were there: Nice Buddy, the neighbor's cat (not to be confused with Mean Buddy) was out there, too. The mockingbirds hate cats and they scold and swoop down at them, actually pecking them on the back! Most cats run away, but not Nice Buddy. He was casually making his rounds, which is why the birds stayed so long outside Caroline's window!

I am thinking... about working on some more homeschool planning this evening.

I am wondering... if this diet is really going to result in a flatter belly. So far, I don't think so, although I have lost eight pounds and feel better due to that. But I still look like I could possibly be about 3-4 months pregnant (and wish that random people wouldn't say such stupid things! I would NEVER assume somebody was pregnant if it only looked like they were slightly "showing").

I am praying... for patience and peacefulness and that my children would stop arguing with each other over everything. Also that Caroline's swim lessons go well next week.

I am thankful... that we have a trip to the beach coming up in August!

I am hearing... the new Tonic album. Yes, still. It has just been continuously playing since I last filled out this spot in the daybook. ;) Although I did have a random urge to put in the King Crimson CD a few days ago... but I just couldn't take out the Tonic disc. I listened to The Rain Song by Led Zeppelin on Youtube a few days ago, though. And the kittens riding the Roomba. I heard that over and over last night, ha ha:

Just be glad I typically post in the evenings... at least reading that I am listening to the same CD over and over is better than reading about hearing my kids arguing, which is what I would be typing here if it was daytime, most likely. ;)

Learning at home... Chris found a turtle in the yard, so the girls had fun watching him hide and then come out of his shell and walk around a bit. Lots of blueberry-picking going on, too. Baby birds in the nest in the fig tree... well, they were there, but the nest has been very quiet and we haven't seen the mother bird since before the eggs hatched... so, not really wanting to climb up there and check it out.

From the kitchen... still diet food, although I am "cheating" a bit and making foods that are not officially on the diet for dinner some nights. I am just trying to eat a smaller portion than usual, around 400 calories, and including the mono unsaturated fatty acid. My new favorite discovery (which is on the diet): apple pie smoothie! Chris is retching as he reads this...

I'm planning to make granola bars with the girls tomorrow, and hummus too. Chick peas are soaking right now.

I am reading... not much. I need to get back into book-reading, or at least read my back issues of my LLL publications (online).

To live the liturgical year... we made Sacred and Immaculate Heart suncatchers last week. I made up our saint magnets for both July and August... lots of saints coming up in the next couple months!

One of my favorite things... this mug:

Okay, maybe that is lame... but I really, really love this mug. Not only because it has my initial on it, but because it is extra-tall. It is more fun to drink tea when I drink it from this mug. All my other mugs are going neglected because I will just rinse this one out a bit and reuse it, ha ha. Thanks to Chris's aunt and uncle for giving it to me for Christmas! Hmm, think I will have to go make some tea in a minute...

I am creating... some manipulatives/Montessori-type activities. I call them "work activities" for some reason... I think I made that up, but with a few years of educanese crammed into my brain during college, it may be a real term I picked up somewhere. I am working on some simple magnetic puzzles for Cecilia. I'll post pictures when I finish. My plan is to have a shelf for each of the girls and put out different work activities each week. There will be a specific time when they are directed to their work activities... probably while I am doing dishes, or getting breakfast ready...

Around the house... I tossed out all the nasty leftovers from the fridge. Good thing, too, since I hadn't done that since maybe the beginning of June...

A few plans for the rest of the week... swimming laps at the indoor pool for me on Tuesday and Thursday evening, dentist for Caroline and me on Thursday, possibly a picnic dinner at a park one evening, and maybe going to the fountains downtown or the lake to swim... it is so hot! I'm also considering doing a cookout for July 4th and seeing if my parents and brothers want to come...

A picture thought I am sharing... I haven't uploaded any recently... weren't the kittens on the Roomba satisfying enough???

Sacred Heart of Jesus and Immaculate Heart of Mary Suncatchers

In the Catholic Church, June is devoted to the Sacred Heart of Jesus. We celebrate the feast of the Sacred Heart on June 11, but since the whole month is devoted to the Sacred Heart, I thought we would make these suncatchers that I found the idea for here. The feast of the Immaculate Heart of Mary is celebrated on the following day. Since this is a craft that Cecilia was bale to do a lot of, I decided that we could make a suncatcher for each heart - so Caroline chose to make the Immaculate Heart of Mary, and Cecilia made the Sacred Heart of Jesus.

I cut out the center of four paper plates and then glued a piece of wax paper over the holes on two of the plates. The girls each got one, and they used paintbrushes to apply glue mixed with just a couple drops of water to the wax paper. They started by making a heart shape and covering it with red tissue paper squares and then painting glue around the rest of the area. Cecilia lost interest partway through doing the background on hers, so I finished it up for her alongside Caroline.

After they had covered the area with tissue paper completely, we brushed on a few layers of glue on top of it all to seal it up. Then we glued the other paper plates on top to complete the frame. Caroline scrunched up bits of tissue paper to make the flowers for the Immaculate Heart, and I twisted up some strips of black tissue paper to make the crown for the Sacred Heart. We covered these with glue as well. Then, once dry, Caroline wanted to outline her heart with glitter glue.

Caroline wrote "Hole" on each of them. No, she has not become a Courtney Love fan... she thinks it says "Holy," ha ha!

First Day of Summer!

Okay, so it has felt like summer in Georgia for nearly a month now, but yesterday marked the actual first day of the new season. Here's how the first day of summer looked around here:

Barefoot sandbox time ~ we added some water to the previously dry sand!

Our Garden ~ Squash, tomatoes, and blueberries getting ripe!

Baby Birds ~ in our fig tree (just a few figs have ripened so far)

Whatever these flowers are called... beginning to bloom

Our New Patio

Making Sand Pies

Making Homemade Ice Cream!

One cup of frozen strawberries...

one cup of frozen banana slices...

pulse until coarsely chopped, then add a half teaspoon of vanilla extract...

add milk gradually, about 1/4 cup in all, to get desired consistency...

Enjoy!!! It was soooo delicious!

The girls sprinkled a few mini chocolate chips on theirs...

Welcome to Summer Celebration!!

(Caroline said, "This isn't really a celebration - we'd get to eat lots and lots more ice cream if it was!" Hmmph, I guess Cecilia can just eat it all next time!)