Baby Love

I am totally in love with my nine month old baby. She is such a precious gift, my little angel baby. Lately, I have been lamenting the fact that she is growing up. She's not a tiny baby anymore. She is an almost 20 pound, mobile baby who will soon be a toddler.

I have really enjoyed this baby. I enjoyed my first a lot too, but I was also a high-strung first-time mom, and that prevented me from completely losing myself in love to the point that I could relax and just enjoy parenthood most of the time. I love that the second time around, I feel so less hung up over details and everything being "just-so." I don't watch the minutes tick by on the clock as I put her to sleep, thinking, "Why is this taking soooo long?" as often as I did with my first.

Lately, Cecilia has been quite the squirmer as I have tried to nurse her to sleep, our typical nightly routine. It is anything but relaxing and sleep-inducing! I love that nurse-to-sleep tool that I have, and I know that if she's dead-tired, it can help knock her out. I know it will come back to serve me well in her toddlerhood on days where she has missed a nap. So, after nursing her on the bed, I have been standing up and swaying back and forth with her, letting her gradually relax into me, her soft little perfectly round head against my chest. She rubs her tired eyes against my shoulder, then relaxes again, until finally, her eyes begin to droop. This process might take a half hour of swaying, but that time passes quickly as I breathe her in - the clean smell of her hair - if it's been washed that evening - or her irresistible baby smell, slightly sweaty but very sweet. She's going to outgrow the desire to be held this way... and she's going to get heavier too! So I am trying to cherish this while it lasts... I have the privilege this time around of looking back over Caroline's babyhood up until now. It really does go fast - they really do "grow up so fast," as the cliche goes. What a privilege I have been given to be able to hold this sweet baby close to my heart. It is bittersweet to me that she doesn't nurse to sleep at bedtime any more... but I am still enjoying mothering her to sleep each evening. And I am so blessed that she will still nurse to sleep for some naps and in the middle of the night... I am getting a reminder now to enjoy these things as well, because they aren't going to last long in the grand scheme of things.

I love you, my precious baby Cecilia!